what i want

I want to be strong, though often I falter,
to feel glee when I drown in despair.
I want to be sane, though at times I’m unhinged,
to be kind but my cruelty seeps through.

I want to be understood, just as words escape me,
to endure as my running legs collapse.
I want to be patient, not ugly and cross,
to hope when I find myself doubting.

I want to shout to the world, but so few are listening,
to run and jump and thrive.
I want to shed worry, feel free as a bird,
to embrace others, not pass judgment at all.

I want to smile through a face sometimes sullen and dark,
to laugh through eyes cascading in tears.
I want to breathe through the times I feel stifled,
to move forward, only as time stands still.

I want my child to be healthy, but he simply is not,
want his seizures to stop but they hammer on through.
I want a cure for his fits, but so few are looking,
want him free from the drugs, not doped up for life.

I know what I want, that part is easy,
I want to be happy, and I've found a way there.
I want to speak for my son, which I've learned how to do,
I want to love and be loved. I am lucky it's true.

photo by Michael Kolster

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