30 Signs You May Have a Severely Disabled Child

Written by Roy L. Ellis

1. You start noticing other children all wear their jackets backwards.

2. You start brushing your teeth before you eat.

3. Your child's wheels cost more than yours.

4. You find yourself bragging that your child has never had to be disciplined.

5. People start using words like hero to describe you when you know better.

6. You no longer have friends, just social workers and case managers.

7. When your child outgrows his/her shoes they still look new.

8. You start wondering what a steak would taste like in a smoothie.

9. You go to McDonald's with two kids and only order one happy meal.

10. You hear someone say, God never gives you more than you can handle, and you get the urge to strangle and say, Handle this!

11. Another parent complains about their food budget because their children are snacking so much at 3 o'clock between meals and you say, AM or PM?

12. The average length of words in your vocabulary increases from 5 to 15.

13. The average length of words in your vocabulary returns to 5 as you find yourself increasingly using ANEUs (acronyms nobody else understands).

14. You find yourself up at 3:00 am every morning writing stupid stuff like, 30 Signs You May Have a Severely Disabled Child.

15. It dawns on you one day you know more than your doctor.

16. You're on a first name basis with everyone at your pharmacy.

17. You find yourself bragging how skilled you are at dragging a shopping cart backwards with one hand.

18. Your biggest fear is your child will outlive you.

19. Your second biggest fear is he/she won't.

20. You still get excited about your baby's poops and your baby is now a teenager.

21. You suddenly realize you haven't used the word, babysitter, in years.

22. You know the difference between medicaid and medicare while you're still young.

23. Someone says let's go out to dinner and the first thing you think of is poop and how long it's been.

24. You find yourself doing your grocery shopping after dark when seniors have all gone home so you can find a parking space.

25. Your spouse winks at you with a glint of anticipation saying, let's put the kids to bed early, and you respond, yeah, I'd like to get some sleep too.

26. You begin to wonder if you're invisible.

27. You call 911 and the operator recognizes your voice.

28. A psychologist thinks you're crazy after giving you a word association test because, when he/she says Mickey, you say Button instead of Mouse.

29. As you're being handcuffed and hauled to jail you hear someone say, I was only parked there for a minute.

30. You hear yourself saying, It's OK to fart if someone stares.

Go to Roy's blog, Father of 10 Daughters

photo by Michael Kolster