If I had to bet, Calvin is going to have a seizure tonight, and if not tonight, tomorrow. He's been amping up for the past couple of days and we're back to a screaming, flailing, hysterically laughing maniac of a child. The barometric pressure is still low and the full moon, now, is only a few days away. In addition, it's day eleven, which is how long he went between perceived seizures last time.

Something tells me that if I gave Calvin three drops of cannabis oil right now we'd avoid a seizure. Whether that something is my gut, my belief, my hope, I don't know for sure. But if I do give it to him, in doing so I'll veer off of our plan which is to learn whether the last increase of his morning and evening dose of cannabis oil is helping. It's a conundrum. I want to spare my child a seizure, but I also want to know what works and what doesn't, so I can continue a practice, a strategy, that works best.

We got half of the results back from Calvin's blood draw. His Keppra blood level is 42.6. The normal range is between 7.0 and 34.0. Makes me sick to think of these toxic drugs coursing through his little body, his brain. He's likely on an adult dose. Sometimes I wonder if the drugs actually cause the seizures. It's possible and I've seen it happen before.

My father-in-law, who is here visiting while Michael is gone, advised me, as did Michael, to stay with the plan and not give Calvin the additional drops of cannabis oil. And while I know this probably means a seizure in the short term, it may aid in a better strategy long term. So, for now I'll resist the urge, call it by what it is—a conundrum—and keep crossing my fingers and toes.


  1. You have to have enormous self-discipline, don't you? I'm in awe; my fingers are crossed too!

  2. I'm grateful that you're keeping us posted. I admire your nerves of steel.