college nostalgia, sweet spots, pity eclipses, etc.

For a couple of hours last evening I was taken back to my college days, to a sweet, off-campus house shared by five students, complete with a shabby, yellow, vintage sofa and rooms decked out with second-hand tables and chairs. Our host let me peruse the second floor where, at the top of a steep, carpeted, slightly askew staircase, I peered into the dimness of a few rooms, their beds and floors endearingly strewn with piles of clothes like so many college students are wont to do.

Back in the kitchen, I cracked open a bottle of Côtes du Rhône and filled four stemless wine glasses, two of them plastic. We toasted our hosts, Ben and Meghan, wishing them well in the final few weeks of their senior year. We got their takes on life in Michael's photography classes, plus updates on their current projects. They told us of their post-graduation plans and dreams, including moving to Boston, of having turned down lucrative job offers that didn't speak to their hearts, and of their desire to live near new and old friends. They explained the dating app they've been designing, how it works, and shared with us its clever name, logo and marketing campaign.

It felt good to be sitting around a table with such bright, curious and engaged youth, felt good to be in an apartment that looked, smelled and vibrated so much like the ones I shared with my college roommates thirty-five years ago. And though I was delighted to be in the company of these generous souls who perfectly seared a huge filet mignon and tossed a tasty organic green bean and tomato salad, I was keenly aware of the pinch and sting I felt knowing I'd never be doing such things with my own child. Thankfully, however, the joy of communing with these happy, energetic, optimistic individuals eclipsed any pity I might've felt for myself. I left hoping they'd keep in touch and visit us from time to time like a few other beloved former students—Arnd, Ivano, Emma—did and have done over the years.

Back at home with our fifteen-year-old son who can't speak, wears diapers, still drinks from a sippy-cup, plays with chew toys, and is prone to seize, we are celebrating his own triumphs: Calvin has suffered only one seizure this month, and it was not a grand mal. He has had only three grand mals in the past thirty days, plus just three complex partial ones. And though I shouldn't get ahead of myself, if April keeps trending this well, it could be his best month seizure-wise in four or five years, despite taking only one pharmaceutical. I'm owing this success to having significantly reduced his Palmetto Harmony CBD oil from about five milligrams per kilogram of his weight down to about two mgs/kg, a strategy for success (finding its sweet spot) that its maker and many other parents attest to.

And so today, in the happy afterglow of last night's gathering, and during a day in which my own boy is doing quite well, I'm hoping good things for the Bowdoin College seniors who are about to inherit—and no doubt change for the better and for the common good—our crazy, effed-up world.

snowy milestone

For the very first time in his life Calvin walked a loop in our backyard while it was covered in snow. Managing to keep him upright as he careened along a narrow path of icy footprints was difficult. A few times we nearly toppled over each other. At one point, I looked down at his face and saw him smile. As we plodded clumsily along, he used his free hand to reach out and pat his favorite shrubs. He seemed happy to be outside in the yard again after so many months pent up indoors.

You may wonder why, at fifteen, he's never done so before. It's partly because he cannot walk in snow boots or rain boots; they are too bulky and roomy for him to manage. Also, his current ankle boots, though waterproof, are not high enough to walk in deep snow. And so yesterday, the snow having begun to melt in the sun and mild temperatures, was a perfect time to give it a go.

I wish I had a photo of Calvin traipsing along in the expanse of white, wish I had a photo of his smile. But I didn't have my camera or phone on me, and so I'll just have to make a note of our special, snowy excursion in my mind.