I was going to write a post called, freedom, in some ways in response to several comments on my post, bang bang, in which a reader—someone who has since ostensibly unsubscribed— implies that I am a freedom hater, apparently due to my argument for more stringent gun control. He goes on to say that my political opinions have no business being on a blog about living with epilepsy, (many of you might agree) yet somehow he thought it an okay forum to speak his mind on the subject, which I've no problem with; I enjoy lively discourse. I learn things.

So, I was going to post in honor of the freedom to write whatever the hell I want in my own personal blog, the freedom to share my opinions on matters that mean something deeply to me and to some extent are shaped by Calvin. I mean, don't we make art for ourselves, first? Isn't that the most honest way? Haven't we the freedom to evolve? And, if Calvin could speak, or even think in these terms, we'd be talking about this important stuff together.

The reader's comments make me wonder where some people who profess to being on the side of freedom might lurk when it comes to things like a woman’s right to control her own body or the specter of rounding up Muslim Americans. I think about these kinds of issues because, one, I often wonder, if I’d had a crystal ball and could've seen the suffering Calvin endures in life, what would I have done? (readers, cast no judgement, I don't savor the notion of abortion, it's just that none of us can really know what we'd do in certain tragic, precarious or life-threatening situations because those events often change us, which is why I like to say, if men could get pregnant, abortion might be a non-issue) and, two, the recent rants by you-know-who about rounding up an entire segment of American citizens reminds me of when Hitler did just that, beginning with exterminating people like Calvin before moving on to Jewish men, women and children.

After some spirited volleying, however, the reader and I wished each other peace. All's well that ends well.

I also wanted to write a post in honor of my friend Carol, who, in her comment to my post, senseless things, implored me to bring something into my life "to see, or hear, or feel, that would add a different element" from those that cause me pain and despair. One of those elements, which I’ve discovered is missing to some degree, is laughter. And in honor of that most restorative action and sound, I wanted to post this video (the last half of which particularly cracks me up). Though uncouth at times, I encourage you to watch it with an openness to a little potty humor and silliness. You might laugh, too. And for those of you on the Right, there's this one.

But since I’m free to decide the content of this blog, I’ll also write about the three grand mal seizures Calvin has had in six days, all in the early morning, all three-plus minutes long, all of which seemed to respond to a homemade THC cannabis rescue med, though I can't be sure. He’s having a rough time of late with a lot more seizures than usual, and it is hard to tell if the uptick is due to the onset of puberty, the benzodiazepine withdrawal, slightly more dilute cannabis oils, the zinc supplement, a low-grade illness, or a growth spurt and its concomitant reduction in seizure med blood levels. My hunch is it’s mostly the benzo withdrawal, which is non-linear and therefore unpredictable, but I’ve got no way of knowing. I just have to forge ahead in my search for an elixir, with my gut at the helm.

As for freedom (I decided to name this post thus, anyhow) I hope most of all for us to have freedom from the burdensome shackles of epilepsy, which is one of the most heinous, unbridled oppressors of freedom I can think of.

The end of one of Calvin's last daytime tonic-clonic seizures ... the red white and blue of it.


  1. Oh dear lord, what is UP with the silencers out there? As you know I get a lot of angry accusations at, ironically, my own ANGER. I hope you'll continue to write whatever the hell you want, whenever and however. As for humor, yes. It's a saving grace of mine. Both videos are hysterical, but I actually laughed harder at the Democratic one. To tell you the truth, such is my anger and disgust at the Republican party, I can hardly even watch them even when they're being made fun of --

  2. i was thinking about the comments on YOUR anger when i was writing this. ugh. xoxo

  3. So the person who was so angry with you for offering up your opinions on gun control thinks you should shut up. Isn't that the definition of a freedom hater? Boggles my mind. I don't understand the American obsession with guns.

    Take care woman and write what you want.

  4. I greatly admire your writing ability and am in awe of the profoundly poetic way in which you express yourself, and voice so clearly and beautifully precisely what you mean, think and feel on a variety of topics...you are so real!

    1. You keep writing, Shake. The ignorant choose their path, you keep on yours.
      With more love than you can imagine,