senseless things

seizures that seem to never end. heart-racing, mind-wasting, body-aching convulsions that send my son into oblivion and back again.

federal prohibition of medicinal cannabis, buttressed with continued lies and propaganda which only serve to fuel a futile and unjust war on drugs, yet impedes my ability to help my child. 

stockpiles of fetishized guns and their foolish shooters hiding cowardice behind myths and ignorance, fear and violence, hatred and lies.

mind-numbing anticonvulsant drugs that bathe my baby’s brain, stifle his memories, kill his senses, alter his mood, wreck his steadiness and screw up his own defenses.

frightened, starved, shivering immigrants fleeing everything they know and love, risking all they’ve got—the nakedness of life—just to see another day.

days on end of monotony, worry, frustration, fatigue. at times, my own unreasonable, wearisome disgust of one dear son who flails and flops, drools and drops, seizes and screams, none of it his fault.

my black and brown brothers and sisters strangled in the grip of injustice, or at the end of a lawman's gun, every single day.

pompous folks who aspire to lead and yet spout intolerance and hate. dim-witted, short-sighted, narrow-minded, hot-headed, macho bullies wielding their fear-mongering, bigoted lies over women's bodies, people's religion and refugees' lives.

a child's benzodiazepine withdrawal. imagine it for yourself.

homeless folks who others shame, knowing not from what or where or when those men and women came, nor the hardships they've endured, nor their long road ahead.

babies, children, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers riddled with bullets propelled by the NRA.

religious zealotry. racism. war. terrorism. ignorance. misogyny. greed. fear of other. lust for power and love of money. entitlement. xenophobia. my own disgrace.

Photo by Michael Kolster


  1. I hope it's not jarringly inappropriate to remark
    that that's a very beautiful picture.

  2. I hesitate to say this because it is clear you are in such pain, Christy, and I don't want to add to it. We can feel it. But I wish you could find something to bring into your life to see, or hear, or feel, that would add a different element--even for just a little part of each day. After reading your blog for years, I worry about you because you deal with such overwhelming burdens all the time. Everyone needs some break from such a load. We are all, after all, only human. Do give yourself a try at it, please....

    1. for you, dear carol: http://www.calvinsstory.com/2015/12/rich-beyond-words.html