what to do?

I'm at a loss. Not sure what to do to lessen Calvin's seizures. It's not that they're raging off the charts, at least not for him; relatively speaking they are holding at about the same number that he's had the past several years, which is about five or six grand mals per month plus a smattering of focal ones. But because of them he's missing too much school. Since starting in September, he has been absent for a total of nearly four weeks. So the status quo is not sustainable. I have to change something, but what? I do not know.

I can't decide whether I should increase his CBD oil or remove it for a spell. I don't know whether to replace it with a plant-based pharmaceutical version of it called Epidiolex. I'm not sure whether my latest batch of homemade THCA oil is as effective as the last one, or if I'm giving him too much, too little. I'm loathe to try any other traditional pharmaceuticals since, having already failed ten of them, the chance Calvin will respond to subsequent ones is minute, i.e. less than five percent.

I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me what to do.

Thankfully, Calvin has been much easier to care for these days. He's been calm, cuddly and compliant—opposite of the way he was when he was drugged up on high doses of three powerful pharmaceuticals which suppressed, though did not stop, his seizures. Nowadays, keeping him home from school in itself is not as much of hardship as it used to be, it's just happening too often and it means I can't get much of anything done—can't read, can't write, can't walk Smellie, can't exercise, can't grocery shop, can't do chores.

Today will be Calvin's first, hopefully full, day of school this week. He's not even halfway through the month and he's already had four grand mals and at least two focal seizures. Something has got to give. I just don't know what that something is.

Photo by Michael Kolster


  1. If you do acquire that crystal ball, please let me know. Thank you for using the precious amount of time you have to share this with others. Your writing is a gift to people who read it. I know this does not address the issues you raise. I think part of the beauty and challenge of this short essay is that so much of being a parent is a roll of the dice, and comes from building the bicycle as you ride it. Whatever you do with Calvin's treatment, I know you will do it out of love, so it will be right. And in the meantime, I hope he stayed in school a full day so you could have some time.
    Hope to see you soon!

  2. Bless your heart, Christy! I too wish there were a magic textbook that would say DO THIS! It must be so hard to face this quandary...made harder because you are so conscientious. My thoughts and good wishes go to you as you work it out!