dear calvin

Dear Calvin,

You’re getting to be such a big boy. It is wonderful to see you grow and learn. Mostly, though, it’s indescribable to see you smiling again and engaging with your world. I wish you knew how much joy you bring to me when I pick you up out of your crib and see that big smile come across your face—the one where you are anticipating snuggling in the warm bed with mama and daddy and getting lots of hugs and kisses.

I wish you could know how proud I am of you for all the things you are learning how to do, because I know it has not been easy. It is so much fun to see you scoot down the stairs, one by one. You are so good at it now, and so fast! You really are doing an amazing job climbing into the tub—almost all by yourself—holding on so well before you drop yourself in with a splash. What an accomplishment. And now that you are putting your arms through the holes of your shirt, practically by yourself, I can hardly believe my eyes. You astound me.

Calvin, I wish I could take away all of your seizures with the blink of an eye. I wish I could throw away all of your medicines. I wish I could make all of your headaches and dizziness and weakness go away. I wish all this could change so that your body and mind could feel free and clear, bright and brilliant. I know you would be capable of doing so many things that the seizures and medicine prohibit you from doing now. I am so sorry for the pains you must endure. It’s all so utterly senseless.

I know that you understand some of what I say to you—that is clear. But I hope you understand the most important thing of all—which is that I love you beyond measure and I would do anything for you. Anything.

Calvin, you are my hero and you make me want to be a better person every day. I know in my heart that you know me and love me. That is an amazing gift. Thank you.


1 comment: