google mania

This is for my friend Renee whom I've never met, though I'd like to, and who writes her own blog,  every now and then i fall apart, and in it she said:

When I begin a session of what I like to call Google Mania (spending hours upon hours Googling a myriad of research, reports, remedies, voodoo, etc), I inevitably wind up on a blog founded by a mother or father of a child with a seizure disorder or some other special needs.  Their stories captivate me, inspire me, smash my heart into smithereens.  My favorite is Calvin’s Story.  I am so in love with this boy, I almost can’t take it.  I anxiously await each post by his mother, and I scour her site for more pictures, more videos, anything, anything at all so that I can hear his voice, see his beautiful face that I want to smother with kisses.

Here's to you, Renee, with wishes, hopes and dreams for you and your family from me and—if he could—Calvin.


  1. Wow! I didn't think anyone ever read my blog! I love these pictures, thank you so much for sharing them with me and with the world. When my daughter started having seizures, all I wanted was to connect with someone, anyone who understood the sheer terror and magnitude of what was happening to my baby girl. I found there were SO MANY people out there experiencing the same thing as I was. My situation is very different from yours and very different from other parents, but the feelings are the same: the fears, the nightmares, the unknown - its the same. I found myself having a hard time connecting with my old friends, my work colleagues, sometimes even my own family, but after some intense hours of Google Mania I started finding similar souls, similar experiences, similar tales that make me feel more and more each day that we need to come together and help each other through this, our particularly painful and difficult journey in life. I feel like I know Calvin through your stories, and I feel like I actually love him, even though I have never met him. I think about him almost every day, I worry when you don't post for a while that he's had a seizure! I feel like I love you!!! I love that you are so strong for the rest of us. We need your stories, your fears, your love. We need them to understand our own feelings and to put words around the unexplainable. Thank god for you, thank god. If you ever wondered if there was a reason why this happened to you, its because you are able to help some of us, me in particular, see that there is an unbelievable, seemingly impossible beauty in all of this.

  2. dear renee,

    he is a loveable kid—very affectionate indeed. thank you for your kind words of love and your understanding.

    i never did wonder if there was a reason why this happened to us (at least not a divine one) but i am glad i can see the world in such a manner as to turn a terrible situation into a way to help others.


  3. that is touching but i guess we just have to be a blessing for each other. that's life, everything is not that easy....