i wonder

I find myself in a constant state of curiosity about our funny little kid. He’s a mystery to me, and so I wonder about a myriad of things.

I wonder if Calvin will ever master the fine art of feeding himself. I still spoon-feed him a lot, at least for now, though we practice all the time. He’s got the skill halfway down, but he’s stuck, unable to put the spoon back in the bowl to get more. I wonder if Calvin will ever be toilet-trained so that we can do away with diapers. I wonder if he will be able to dress himself one day, but that probably requires decent balance and coordination, which he doesn’t have, though he is improving. I wonder if Calvin will ever be able to get in and out of his car seat without help. I wonder if he’ll be able to brush his teeth, wash his hands or brush his crazy, thick, sometimes dreaded head of hair by himself. I wonder if he will be able to put on his socks and shoes, play with toys, ride a trike or run around naked in the grass.

Mostly, I wonder if Calvin will ever be able to utter words to tell us his most basic needs or if something hurts, and where. But wondering leaves me no better off than to simply love and nurture and encourage Calvin in everything he does.

Two things I don’t wonder about, however, are his constant seizures and the drug side effects, because I know they are his biggest adversaries without which he’d probably be doing a lot of the things that I find myself wondering if he will ever do. Calvin so desperately needs a cure.

Please share Calvin’s story with your friends and help bring us one step closer to a cure for epilepsy. It’s not hard. Just do it one story at a time.

photo by Michael Kolster

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