moving target

What the hell is going on? The kid is having more seizures, no doubt about it. One at the beginning of the month, two last Friday, eight on Saturday, I suspected a couple on Sunday and one just now. Today I saw it coming. Crazy screaming at lunch followed by hysterical laughing. Not long ago we increased Calvin's newest antiepileptic drug in hopes of eliminating the one or two seizures he was having each month. No such luck.

It's a crying shame and a quandary. Is he having more seizures because of the ear infections? Is it because of the antibiotic we had to put him on? Is he having a paradoxical reaction to the new seizure medicine? Is the new seizure medicine lowering the clearance of the old seizure medicine, or is it simply that this epilepsy, this most heinous disorder, is a progressive disorder, a moving target?

He's having them at nap time again, about five or ten minutes after falling asleep. I think the nurse is missing them. Michael sees them only when I point them out. I am the only one who can discern them. They are stealthy, silent. Who knows how many he might be having at night, disturbing his slumber, his REM. It's probably why he gets up so often and why, at times, we are awake for hours.

Just when we think we're on to something and within reach of seizure freedom, the rug gets yanked right out from under our feet and we land hard. Never fails. We're chasing this damn moving target, these seizures, using a BB gun left handed with no sights. I wish I could blow it out of the water with a sawed off shotgun at close range and save my precious kid once and for all.

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